Sunday, August 3, 2008

but we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies

I have a real blog now. Exciting stuff. The entire process of creating this thing was slightly overwhelming - too much going on, if you ask me, but on the bright side it allowed me to fully absorb a new album: Thao - We Brave Bee Stings and All. It's pretty darn good, too.

I only have two days left in New York, which is sad, I'm going to miss it, but I'm very excited about my sister's wedding in Portland, and I'm actually looking forward to getting back down to FL, believe it or not. It's my last semester of college. Yikes. Let's not talk about that.
I'm ready to jump back into academic mode, and ready to see how these next few months will transform my life (as it most certainly will); there are a lot of decisions to make, some of which I'm not quite ready for, but God is good, and I know everything will fall into place. He has been preparing me for some major changes; it's frustrating to not know what they are, and terrifying to guess, but I have felt His hand on my shoulder lately. I can't really ask for much more than that, although I do, I really do, I ask for a lot more than that, because sometimes I'm like Kerouac: "mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, and desirous of everything at the same time." We learn by very slow degrees, sometimes without even realizing it. I've been praying to become the person He wants me to be for years, and I'm feeling myself approaching that threshold - that is not to say I haven't been where I should have been along the way, or that this journey is coming to an end, but somehow things feel different. This might sound morbid, but my entire life I was convinced I was to die at an early age (it didn't depress me, and I never dwelled on it, it was simply something I held in the back of my mind). I don't have that feeling any more. That is the best way I can explain this. I can see the future somewhere off in the distance, intangible and without definition, but it's there. This is new. This is good.


Teresa R Hernandez said...

I understand that someone can feel that they may die young...I understand that you can accept the concept without fear. To me that conveys that our time on Earth is precious.... In Spanish we say Hay mas tiempo que vida. Time continues to exist beyond any one specific lifetime....Go forward and complete your life's mission...move forward in PEACE to share your thoughts about beauty, family, goals, God and peace....thank you for posting your inner reality with others also on a quest for PEACE...
May all your days on Earth be purposeful. May God grant you a life long enough to complete your mission and spiritual purpose...we are all one in the spirit of the Creator.

Ashlyn Alyce said...

I just read On the Road this summer... I actually wasn't too crazy about it, but I definitely underlined the bit about "the next crazy venture beneath the skies", and others like it.