Saturday, September 13, 2008

so close that when you close your eyes, i fall asleep

Life can really catch up with you sometimes. As of tonight my roommate, also my best friend since elementary school, is engaged.

Obviously I knew this was coming; it wasn't that long ago that I smiled with him when he said he met a girl, or when we sat on swing sets in the middle of the night in a lonesome playground when he told me he thought she was the one, our feet scraping the soft sand while the crickets played their acclamation, the past few months I heard all about the ring-buying procedure, and stayed up late at night asking him how, exactly, he was going to do it... I even knew it was happening tonight... but when I came home from work and saw the smiles, it hit.

I rewind to junior-high, when climbing out of second-story windows at one a.m was so adventurous, when the world was silent and all was dark save for the footsteps of those walking beside you and the vague silhouette of familiar forms in the moonlight. Mischief. Adolescence. Self-discovery. Always having that hand outstretched that you knew you could grab, always knowing that you were with people you loved, people that, like you, didn't really have any answers, but were willing to offer up all that they did know and hope to find some semblance of truth.

I'm already preparing a speech for the wedding. I probably won't mention any of the stories from those nights of discovery and mischief, but, in reality, they will be in the spirit of the thing. The more I think about it, the older I feel, and the more I wonder where the time went, but I don't wish to go back. I'm glad for this. He deserves it. She deserves it. And I'm truly happy for them.

So tonight I'm filled with nostalgia, and gratitude, and (admittedly) jealousy - not that I'm in any rush. I have no desire to rush love. I don't think it should ever be forced, but still... tonight, I can't help but dream...

This song has been on my mind for a while now... but it's playing especially loud this evening...

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