something my heart could not forget

My long-delayed move to Portland, OR is coming up soon. May 3rd. I genuinely considered moving it back another month after Pearl Jam's spring tour announcement in which there would have been at least three shows I'd gone to if I was still in the great northeast, but alas, I resisted such temptation. If their last album was any indication, they'll be around for a while, so I'll have other opportunities.

I've been dreaming lately of late-night bike rides through those city streets, surrounded by warm air and friendly strangers. I have a really good feeling about this. And hopefully Mr. Mauer will be joining me out there soon, right pal?

I was up late last night thinking about the aforementioned bike ride, listening to some tunes, and decided to make a mix for such an occasion... actually, first I was reading some Whitman, and the mix started off as a Whitman tribute, but I deviated... at any rate as I was choosing songs (which, by the way, takes an inordinate amount of time. It generally takes me about 3 hours to throw together a mix for something silly like 8tracks or an ipod playlist... if we're talking a mix for a person, jeez, days; there's just so many songs that need to be listened to in full in order to determine if they make the cut) I found myself choosing love songs and having absolutely no one in mind to attribute them to. That was a liberating discovery. I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone who reads this, but, for me, it was transcendent. I've loved many different women for many different reasons, in varying degrees of scope. You could deconstruct the word love for days (more than any other word in the English language, I think, save perhaps God) and list off the different forms it takes, but what's the point... what is the point? Ah, yes, the point is that though I have loved many women, in situations where that love has been said, or unsaid; constant, or fleeting; accepted, or rejected; requited, or unrequited; tangible, or abstract; it's always been beautiful, even when it was painful. And there's always associations: a color, a smell, that row of benches, those trees on the ridge, origami, a ticket stub, a wine cork, a folded note, a song. And even when you love someone new you'll cross paths with these associations someday, and maybe you'll cry, or grimace, but you should probably smile, because your heart needed that to get here. You don't have to be in love with that person anymore to be in love with that time, that rapture, and all those ruinations.

So I was thinking about that as I realized I had no associations in my song choices. And I felt liberated. I felt buoyant, and vital, and eager. And I realized that what I love most, right now, at this moment, is a question mark, or a series or question marks, that will eventually lead to a period.

my itunes is pretty (part 2)

I figured out how to post my itunes. Not that anyone really cares. But perhaps you could make suggestions as to something I'm missing... that'd be nice.

my itunes is pretty

I've finally finished the great itunes reorganization. Since the majority of my library came from imported CD's rather than from the itunes store, I spent hours and hours back in 2003 downloading and/or scanning images and importing them into the files. Yes, I know, I'm a dork. A few years later when itunes first offered the option to "get album artwork" I tried it out, since there were still several files without artwork. But the stupid thing switched out many of my already existing album artworks with incorrect ones. Everything was all F'd up. I was pissed. At any rate, I just finished fixing this problem, at the same time fixing inconsistencies in Genre and those pesky compilation albums where you need seperate fields for Artist and Album Artist for optimal organization. Again, yes, I know I'm a dork. Now I can use the Grid view and not be annoyed by the gaps in images.

I can't seem to post an image, because it's too large, but trust me, its a sight to behold.

take whatever you think of, while i go gas up the truck

(I don't write poetry; i wish i could. but after writing this i felt the need to place inappropriate line breaks and parenthesis... i guess that's kind of a poem)

i spent a little bit of time this evening
playing really sad songs for a friend,
for reasons that will go unmentioned.
i spent a lot of time tonight
listening to other friends' heartbreak.
and between the two circumstances which met
somewhere in the middle
(not always romantic love
and sometimes godly love)
i was at a loss for words.

and i could only murmur:
it's really all that matters.

i often wish you knew how much it meant to me.
sometimes i think you might.
most of the time i know it doesn't mean that much to you

(i mean just the way that you smile
and everything that it does to me)




(and here's one of the aforementioned songs...)

thoughts on lost

If you don't watch lost, I apologize for this ramble. If you do but are not caught up, I suggest you stop reading now. If you do and are caught up, feel free to reply with your own theories.

So this is what I think is going on based on the season premiere. This all seemed kind of obvious to me, but the people I have spoken to about it seem to disagree with me. At first I was thinking that there are two separate planes of reality happening at the same time. But that doesn't really make any sense. Especially since Desmond was on the plane, and if Desmond was on the plane (did you notice his wedding ring, by the way?), he was never on the island to blow up the hatch. They never identified the flight to LAX as flight 815, nor did they establish any direct timeline. We're not even sure Claire is still pregnant since we only saw her from the shoulders up. Similarly, Kate never tried to get the toy plane out of the Marshall's case, so for all we know this flight could have taken place 5 years after the original 815 flight. BUT... i don't think that is likely either. I think that what we are actually seeing is how everything is going to end up. I think that by the end of the season, the on-island Jack is going to change something, something bigger than just the hatch. Something that causes the island to sink. And reverts everything much further back in history than the day of the crash. So that all throughout this season we will be seeing what happens to our beloved cast members in the end through all the off-island sequences. I think Jack is going to fix Locke, Charlie and Claire are going to fall in love somehow, Sawyer and Juliet are going to meet in LA (which is what all that "let's get a cup of coffee" stuff was all about - she was living in the changed "present" in her final moments), Sayid will find Nadia, maybe Kate will die (fingers crossed), you know, everything that you wanted for the characters in the first few seasons will play themselves out over this final one. While at the same time we'll be seeing the destruction of the island. "It only ends once, everything up till then is just progress."

As for what the hell is going on with Jacob, the nemesis (or man in black, faux Locke, whatever the hell you want to call him), Richard, and Ben... I have no idea. But I'm actually kind of leaning toward the fact that the man in black is actually the "good" guy. Something about that line at the end "I'm very disappointed in all of you." just sounded like something a forgotten god figure would say.

But really, who the hell knows.

mais rgarde ma pitite ligne de chance

At the gym this morning my father talked me into signing up for a spin class called "psycho cycle." I don't think I'll be able to move my legs tomorrow. At one point I was sure I was cycling right up to the pearly gates. Come to think of it, it felt more like cycling to the gates of Hell. And this was before jumping off the bike and running laps, followed by rounds of some crazy form of pushups, back on the bike, etc etc etc.

Good Lord.

In other news, I found a collection of original music from Jean-Luc Godard's films on itunes. What a crazy bastard that guy is. But if you haven't seen his films, you're missing out.

avatar 2

I finally went to see what the Avatar fuss was all about. I get it now. I must admit it was pretty damn cool. My only real objection was that the marines were oversimplified. All that "hoo-rah" and "get some!" stuff should have been taken down a notch.

Anyways, I came up with a sequel. You know that dragon-bird thingy that Jake had tentacle-hair sex with, so that they were bonded monogamously to each other for life or something, did anyone catch that he just ditched her for the bigger, red, more badass dragon-bird thingy? So the sequel will be her coming back in a jealous rage and trying to kill everyone. The tagline will be: Hell hath no fury like a dragon scorned.

You're welcome, James Cameron.